"giri" and "onjo" are two of the most powerful cultural forces in Japan. I know, I know, there are altogether too many blog posts where people say that if you don't understand X, then you won't understand Japan, where X may be anything from Shinto esoterica to the way people put out their garbage. But I think that these two ideas can really help to give a sense of what is going on in ordinary relationships in Japan.
"giri" is your obligation. It's what you have to do to those in authority over you. "onjo" is the way that they look after you in response to that.
Let's take an example. I kind of did this the other way around. I have a very strong sense that I need to visit Tokyo soon. This is not just for fun. When I was in Oxford, a Japanese missionary couple took me in; they gave me a place to stay whenever I was visiting; they helped me out with whatever I needed. They were basically like family to me. The word "onjo" can be translated as "paternalism." Mr Kawamura basically behaved like my father. I received a lot of "onjo" (looking-after) from them. In exchange, I have "giri" towards them. I really need to visit them soon. They're getting on in age. I need to see if there's anything I can do for them. That's "giri". If I were to explain myself, I would say that I need to go to Tokyo because I have giri towards a couple who live there. This isn't just an intellectual exercise. I really do feel that I have a social obligation towards them that needs to be repaid.
Another example occurs in the relationship between me and my pastor. There are various things I need to do (giri) that he expects from me. If I perform my giri, he will look after me. (onjo) The church has already looked after me in various ways, from the house I live in, to much of the food that I eat. But because of that onjo, I have a lot of giri to repay. I basically have to do what I'm told, to turn up at all the church events and meetings, the housegroups, the pastors meeting, and the area prayer meeting.
It takes up a lot of my time. An awful lot of my time. So much so that I often think that I don't have any time to do anything else. But it's giri, and giri has to be repaid; that's what you do with giri.
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